Savior
by Ende
Summary: 1x2x1. Duo reflects on his relationship with Heero.


Savior  
Pairings: 1x2, 3+4 implied  
Warnings: angst, death, implied yaoi, POV, song-fic  
Note: Based off the song "Savior" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers  
  
**denotes song lyrics**  
  
  
As my fingers brushed across the cover of your journal, I sighed, almost laughing. To think that you, Heero Yuy, wrote religiously in a journal. Pouring out your thoughts and emotions onto sheets of paper everyday.  
  
  
I would never laugh at this, however. I knew there was so much more depth to you than anyone else thought. Most people thought you were cold and heartless. They weren't there when you held me at night and made everything better. Whenever I felt like crying myself to sleep, you could always help me cheer up. If laughter just couldn't come, you would hold me until my tears subsided and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Even in the morning, I wouldn't want to get up. I loved having your arms wrapped around me. It was so warm.  
  
  
** Dusting off your savior  
You were always my favorite  
Always my man -- All in a hand **  
  
  
Even when we were awake, around other people, you acted the same. Always so loving and caring. Not a day passed in our relationship where you didn't treat me like I was the most special person in the world.  
  
  
Remembering the first time we ever made love is one of my favorite things to do. Before I even knew you that well, I thought for sure you'd be dominating and rough. Rough in a good way, mind you. I don't mind admitting that I couldn't have been more wrong.  
  
  
Out of all the people I had sex with, it was one of the few times I could say it was making love. It was the most gentle time ever. It caused my heart to go out to you, and my love for you to grow.  
  
  
After that first time, I never thought about anyone in that way again. To this day, I haven't thought about another person to love. I could never do that to you. I considered you my soul mate, and I always will.  
  
  
** To celebrate you is greater  
Now that I can -- Always my man **  
  
  
I keep thinking that I may have taken advantage of you. That's crazy though. You made the first move. You were always on top. Always, you treated me like I was such an angel. An angel in Shingami's disguise. You actually said that one night. I couldn't believe how serious you were.  
  
  
** Now you see what I came for  
No one here is to blame for  
Misunderstand -- All in a hand  
Just like you 'cause you made me  
All that I am -- All in a hand **  
  
  
No one else understood either of us. We were perfect for each other. I can say for sure that you made me who I am today. I always had such a facade. Smiling and laughing all day. At everything and anything. Sure, the rest of the guys knew that my smile was fake, but you knew how to take care of it.  
  
  
That's what I loved about you, Heero. You could always heal my wounds. Make me feel whole and new. I tried so hard to return the favors. I hope that you realized that. You had to of. That's just how you were.  
  
  
You had to of been the most misunderstood understanding person I've ever known. It made it even better that you loved me. Quatre may be able to understand people, but everyone expects it of him. You were so different in that aspect. It was such a shock to find out that you could understand my deepest concerns. That's why I'll always love you.  
  
  
** A butterfly that flap it's wings  
Affecting almost everything  
The more I hear the orchestra  
The more I have something to bring  
And now I see you in a beautiful  
And different light **  
  
  
Even if you weren't the most understood person, you were still amazing. You let your life travel in cycles, touching everyone's lives as you went. I still can't believe now much you did for everyone.   
  
  
You practically forced Trowa to talk so he didn't ruin any chances he had with Quatre. Wufei became less of an asshole. Quatre gained more of a confidence in his fighting through the lessons you gave him. And to me you gave the greatest gift of all: love.  
  
  
When I realized how much you did for everyone, you became even more great in my eyes. I could never have told you that aloud. You could tell anyway. I almost never had trouble opening up to you. There wasn't much of a reason to not. You were my lover, my best friend. I felt as if I could share anything with you.  
  
  
** He's just a man and any damage done  
Will be all right  
Call out my name  
Call and I came  
Dusting off your savior  
He's just a man -- All in a hand **  
  
  
Every time we went on a mission, you made sure I wasn't in a position to have to kill someone. I hated killing. You had no problem with it, apparently.  
  
  
Cold-hearted bastard, some have called you to your face. You could point a gun at someone with no wavering, and shoot. Just like that. Murder seemed to be your favorite pastime. You could kill someone without a moments hesitation.  
  
  
Fuck that. Those bastards who thought that never saw the hurt in your eyes when you had to kill. They didn't have to hold you at night. They never had to lull you to sleep. You never wanted to kill anyone. It was just your mission. That's fucking all. I wouldn't mind killing anyone who thought different.  
  
  
** Your hero's destined to waver  
Anyone can -- Always my man  
I would never betray you  
Look at me who could raise you  
Face in the sand -- Safe in your hand **  
  
  
That one mission came when the most devastating thing in my life would occur. Everyone think that it was OZ's fault. That that Ozzie shot you. I know the truth though.  
  
  
You were hurting so bad. I can remember you telling me that you felt like your heart was truing to stone. I tried to console you. You just smiled at me, kissed me, and drifted off to sleep. That scared me.  
  
  
Then when you left for your mission you said goodbye to me. You acted like it was the last time we would ever see each other. That scared me even more.  
  
  
I could never tell anyone about it, though. I don't want people knowing how much you hurt. You hurt so much you didn't even want to live. You made it look like that Ozzie killed you pretty well.  
  
  
I'm just glad that we can both go on in peace. The last words we ever said to each other were 'I love you.' I'm sure you know how much that meant to me. Another reason why I'll always love you.  
  
  
** You were always my favorite   
You were always my man -- All in a hand  
We are the red hots and  
We're loving up the love me nots  
The flowers in your flower pots  
Are dancing on the table tops  
And now I see you in a beautiful  
And different light **  
  
  
You'll never guess what type of flowers I picked out for the funeral. I hate that word. Oh well, I'd never not go. I love you too much for that.  
  
  
Forget- Me- Nots. I'll never forget you. Never. It'd be impossible. How could I forget someone that gave me everything in life? You built a home for my heart and soul. You made sure I was never hurting: physically and emotionally. You did everything for me.  
  
  
I love you so much for that, and I'll be remembering and thanking you every day for it.  
  
  
** Dusting off you savior  
The life that you have narrated  
You were always my man **  
  
  
I almost forgot about your journal. I've just been sitting here admiring it's black, leather cover. When I bought it for you, I though you'd never use it. Pretty foolish of me, huh?  
  
  
I'm not starting on the first page, Love. I want to read what you had to say that day only a week ago. I'm going to read it all eventually. I know you won't mind  
  
  
_  
I've been called on a mission today. A solo mission. I'll be going into an OZ base by myself. I've done it before, though. It's not that big of a deal.  
  
I never thought I'd feel this way. Wanting to die, I mean. I hate it.  
  
Duo's helped me through it all so much. I don't want to leave him. I feel like I'm just a heavy weight on his heart.  
  
If everything goes according to plan today, I know you'll read this, Duo. I never wanted to leave you. I love you so much. I know you'll never forget that. Please never forget that.  
  
Don't do what I did. I'm taking the easy way out. You're too strong for that. I don't want you to have to end your life as soon as I did. You have too much possibility to do that. Seriously.  
  
You can do great things with your life, Love. With or without me. I'll be with you every day. In you heart. I'll never stop loving you. Never.  
  
With all my love,  
  
Heero_  
  
  
  
  
Duo couldn't wipe away the tears that flowed freely out of his eyes. Her gently shut the journal and set it on the bed beside him.  
  
  
He had a funeral to go to. A funeral that would end a part of his life, but in reality, that part would go on forever.  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
